Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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