An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
