And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
