Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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