Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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