You made me cry and you don't even care
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
