I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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