We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
