oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
