I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
