Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
