We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
