did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
