Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
