I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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