Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
