apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
