we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
