So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
