I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
