I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Your cock deserves a montage
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
