**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
