well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
