Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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