Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
