Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
