we're blogging at a bar
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
fuck your aforementioned shoe
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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