Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
