i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
