She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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