so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
