Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
