Dual....:-)
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
