and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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