I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
