I want to stick my p in your. b.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
