so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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