The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
