I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
