I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Randomize
