I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
No subtext here. People are naked.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
