I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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