i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
