You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
