Porn is love you can see.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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