u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
