What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You are a genius and a whore.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
