When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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