You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
