Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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